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You know who u are...
Hier is een ode aan alle mannen die single pilot hardball IFR cargo hebben gevlogen terwijl je ballen onder je lichaam vandaan aan het vriezen waren in je 30 jaar oude Chieftain, C310 of MU2...
Het mooie is dat het meeste wat hier onder staat zo verschrikkelijk waar is allemaal..... Niet in mijn geval natuurlijk. Im just saying...
FD
----
YOU MIGHT BE A FREIGHT DOG IF .......
You put your cig out in your spitcan @ Fl 190 somewhere over the midwest at o-dark thirty.
If you get asked once a month by center how long your outfit is gonna stay in business.
You have an MEL but you're scared to read it, " Ah hell, this sh&* all failed enroute, honest !
You watch about every sunrise while rubbing monkey-grease off your stubbled chin, ( what is that stuff anyway ???!! )
You are lower on the social ladder than the guy who just threw some kero in your ancient batterd T-prop.
You got more severe weather flying under your belt than the Hurricane Hunters.
VMO stands for ' Variable Max Operating Speed '
You've had the otto-pilot disconnect while rummaging in the back for something to pi$$ in. ( true ! )
You've exceeded the ' demonstrated ' x-wind and every other **CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED** wind component listed in your 'luminum steed's POH, by over 200 percent.
The Fed gets a scared look when you offer 'em a ride while they're ramping you.
You wash your hands before you take a leak.
.....if you have ever taken off and the tower calls and says "Texstar XXX, you seem to have some yellow thingy hanging from your aircraft". You reply, "It probably won't be there when I get to Tulsa!".
You fly past your destination, only to have center wake you up.
You have the airlines hold on the ground for weather....while you...."the little guy"....checks it out for them.
You know you’re a freight dog when you see the FBO girl put out cookies and say to yourself “dinners going to be good tonight…
Your idea flight planning is making sure you have a coke in your flight bag.
You've ever used a "contact approach" when tower is calling 1/4mi and 100vv
Your motto is "don't check the weather, when you see the weather you get scared"
If you park on a part of the airport known for gunshots and driveby shootings (BHM)
FAR = Frequently Abused Rules
Center asks you if you can 'make the tight turn to join' and you just laugh
Your company departure mins. are "if you can find it on the ramp you can take off"
your companies motto is: Why deviate if you can penetrate ?
"Your reading this at 5am because you just got home from work"
"Your reading this at 2am in the pilot lounge somwhere between your 4th and 6th leg"
you have to refuel and de-ice your airplane by yourself in -40 F.
Climb through a ladder to get inside the cockpit.
You have to use a oxygen canula so you don't pass out at FL 190.
The airplane does not have an auto pilot and you're single pilot IFR.
you use the map mode on your sh!ty green radar as makeshift DME to an airport with only an NDB approach.
OP includes the '10% rule'
Your idea of weight and ballance is looking to see how flat the nose strut looks when you climb in
You have not done a daylight landing in the past six months.
ATC advises you of smoother air at a different altitude, and you don't care.
Your D O mysteriously changes your max. takeoff weight during the holiday season.
Every FBO makes you park out of sight of their building.
You have ever walked barefoot through the FBO because you just woke up
you might be a fr8dog if you flirt with the hot chick that works at the FBO and she totally hates you.
You might be a freight dog if you date the not hot chick that works behind the counter, since she's the only girl that you've seen in three months and you have a six hour break at the airport.
You might be a frieght dog if your multi-engine "feathered" time competes with your time in actual IMC
How about if you think the girl behind the counter is hot, and if you saw her "a few years ago" when you actually had a social life you would realize that she is right out of the trailer park.
You might be a freight dog if you have had multiple engine failures, electrical failures, etc., but you have NEVER declared an emergency!
....if you lost an engine 300 NM ago but you had enough gas from cross-feeding to make your destination.
you havent had a weather brief in months
you wear the same shirt for a week...and no one complains
airlines hold and wait for you to "test the squall line"
your airplane has belonged to more than 10 companies
center mispronounces your callsign more than three times in one night
you show up to the fbo early and a G4 pilot asks you to carry his luggage
you refuse to accept vectors around weather
you call for the hotel van...and they cant understand where you are on the airport
...If the FAA inspector walks the other way because he doesn't want to deal with all of the paper work that would be involved.
ATC advises you of a better ride at another altitude, and you don't care!
.....your sitting in an RJ looking at the floor wondering what it looks like in the cargo config.
When TRACON vectors you number one ahead of all the 121 heavies for the ILS after a cell has passed over the field.
... if you've lifted the rvr to 1800 by using your cell phone to deliver a pizza to the tower..
...RVR600 and tower asks what RVR you need to land, they give it to you long enough to get inside the marker, then change it right back because they dont want Eagle to try the same thing who has been holding behind you for 90 minutes.
...tower asks what speed you can give to the marker, and you tell em 180 to the numbers (caravan). they come back and ask if that isnt more than VNO and you reply that your number was in groundspeed, as you reach down and pull the overspeed breaker (4th row down, 5th breaker in) so they cant hear the warning over freq.
...another angle on the ATIS wakeup call is the FD. arm approach mode, fly in heading mode. set an intercept ~30 miles out and i guarantee when the plane banks 30 degrees to grab the localizer you will wake up! ...so im told
...you can paint the "floor" of Class Charlie with the Beacon on your tail and the "walls" with a nav light; if it can save ten minutes of routing/vectors.
100-1/2
"Southwest 1001, traffic 11 o'clock & 2 miles, southwest bound, 1,700 indicated. Look for a Navajo without windows and needing a paint job."
"Departure, SWA1001 traffic in sight. Looks like a ho' licking the icing off the cake."
If ya tie a flash-light to a runway light to raise the RVR, then take off before the batteries slowly go dead.
(True story....No furter details... )
...if you have ever done your taxes, paid bills, or reconciled your bank account during your 3rd and 4th legs.
(freightdog radio etiquette)
Freightdog: "Center, how about direct?"
Center: "How are you gonna navigate direct, seeing you are a /A?"
Freightdog: "With that heading you are gonna give me."
When you say hi to the neighbors getting your mail each morning with a Budweiser (breakfast) in your hand.
Even though you never used to read, you're averaging 2 books a week now.........without an otto-pilot, of course.
___________
Mooi is dat bovenstaande allemaal zo waar is.... Nogmaals, ik spreek niet uit ervaring... Heb het gehoord van derden natuurlijk.
FD
Hier is een ode aan alle mannen die single pilot hardball IFR cargo hebben gevlogen terwijl je ballen onder je lichaam vandaan aan het vriezen waren in je 30 jaar oude Chieftain, C310 of MU2...
Het mooie is dat het meeste wat hier onder staat zo verschrikkelijk waar is allemaal..... Niet in mijn geval natuurlijk. Im just saying...
FD
----
YOU MIGHT BE A FREIGHT DOG IF .......
You put your cig out in your spitcan @ Fl 190 somewhere over the midwest at o-dark thirty.
If you get asked once a month by center how long your outfit is gonna stay in business.
You have an MEL but you're scared to read it, " Ah hell, this sh&* all failed enroute, honest !
You watch about every sunrise while rubbing monkey-grease off your stubbled chin, ( what is that stuff anyway ???!! )
You are lower on the social ladder than the guy who just threw some kero in your ancient batterd T-prop.
You got more severe weather flying under your belt than the Hurricane Hunters.
VMO stands for ' Variable Max Operating Speed '
You've had the otto-pilot disconnect while rummaging in the back for something to pi$$ in. ( true ! )
You've exceeded the ' demonstrated ' x-wind and every other **CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED** wind component listed in your 'luminum steed's POH, by over 200 percent.
The Fed gets a scared look when you offer 'em a ride while they're ramping you.
You wash your hands before you take a leak.
.....if you have ever taken off and the tower calls and says "Texstar XXX, you seem to have some yellow thingy hanging from your aircraft". You reply, "It probably won't be there when I get to Tulsa!".
You fly past your destination, only to have center wake you up.
You have the airlines hold on the ground for weather....while you...."the little guy"....checks it out for them.
You know you’re a freight dog when you see the FBO girl put out cookies and say to yourself “dinners going to be good tonight…
Your idea flight planning is making sure you have a coke in your flight bag.
You've ever used a "contact approach" when tower is calling 1/4mi and 100vv
Your motto is "don't check the weather, when you see the weather you get scared"
If you park on a part of the airport known for gunshots and driveby shootings (BHM)
FAR = Frequently Abused Rules
Center asks you if you can 'make the tight turn to join' and you just laugh
Your company departure mins. are "if you can find it on the ramp you can take off"
your companies motto is: Why deviate if you can penetrate ?
"Your reading this at 5am because you just got home from work"
"Your reading this at 2am in the pilot lounge somwhere between your 4th and 6th leg"
you have to refuel and de-ice your airplane by yourself in -40 F.
Climb through a ladder to get inside the cockpit.
You have to use a oxygen canula so you don't pass out at FL 190.
The airplane does not have an auto pilot and you're single pilot IFR.
you use the map mode on your sh!ty green radar as makeshift DME to an airport with only an NDB approach.
OP includes the '10% rule'
Your idea of weight and ballance is looking to see how flat the nose strut looks when you climb in
You have not done a daylight landing in the past six months.
ATC advises you of smoother air at a different altitude, and you don't care.
Your D O mysteriously changes your max. takeoff weight during the holiday season.
Every FBO makes you park out of sight of their building.
You have ever walked barefoot through the FBO because you just woke up
you might be a fr8dog if you flirt with the hot chick that works at the FBO and she totally hates you.
You might be a freight dog if you date the not hot chick that works behind the counter, since she's the only girl that you've seen in three months and you have a six hour break at the airport.
You might be a frieght dog if your multi-engine "feathered" time competes with your time in actual IMC
How about if you think the girl behind the counter is hot, and if you saw her "a few years ago" when you actually had a social life you would realize that she is right out of the trailer park.
You might be a freight dog if you have had multiple engine failures, electrical failures, etc., but you have NEVER declared an emergency!
....if you lost an engine 300 NM ago but you had enough gas from cross-feeding to make your destination.
you havent had a weather brief in months
you wear the same shirt for a week...and no one complains
airlines hold and wait for you to "test the squall line"
your airplane has belonged to more than 10 companies
center mispronounces your callsign more than three times in one night
you show up to the fbo early and a G4 pilot asks you to carry his luggage
you refuse to accept vectors around weather
you call for the hotel van...and they cant understand where you are on the airport
...If the FAA inspector walks the other way because he doesn't want to deal with all of the paper work that would be involved.
ATC advises you of a better ride at another altitude, and you don't care!
.....your sitting in an RJ looking at the floor wondering what it looks like in the cargo config.
When TRACON vectors you number one ahead of all the 121 heavies for the ILS after a cell has passed over the field.
... if you've lifted the rvr to 1800 by using your cell phone to deliver a pizza to the tower..
...RVR600 and tower asks what RVR you need to land, they give it to you long enough to get inside the marker, then change it right back because they dont want Eagle to try the same thing who has been holding behind you for 90 minutes.
...tower asks what speed you can give to the marker, and you tell em 180 to the numbers (caravan). they come back and ask if that isnt more than VNO and you reply that your number was in groundspeed, as you reach down and pull the overspeed breaker (4th row down, 5th breaker in) so they cant hear the warning over freq.
...another angle on the ATIS wakeup call is the FD. arm approach mode, fly in heading mode. set an intercept ~30 miles out and i guarantee when the plane banks 30 degrees to grab the localizer you will wake up! ...so im told
...you can paint the "floor" of Class Charlie with the Beacon on your tail and the "walls" with a nav light; if it can save ten minutes of routing/vectors.
100-1/2
"Southwest 1001, traffic 11 o'clock & 2 miles, southwest bound, 1,700 indicated. Look for a Navajo without windows and needing a paint job."
"Departure, SWA1001 traffic in sight. Looks like a ho' licking the icing off the cake."
If ya tie a flash-light to a runway light to raise the RVR, then take off before the batteries slowly go dead.
(True story....No furter details... )
...if you have ever done your taxes, paid bills, or reconciled your bank account during your 3rd and 4th legs.
(freightdog radio etiquette)
Freightdog: "Center, how about direct?"
Center: "How are you gonna navigate direct, seeing you are a /A?"
Freightdog: "With that heading you are gonna give me."
When you say hi to the neighbors getting your mail each morning with a Budweiser (breakfast) in your hand.
Even though you never used to read, you're averaging 2 books a week now.........without an otto-pilot, of course.
___________
Mooi is dat bovenstaande allemaal zo waar is.... Nogmaals, ik spreek niet uit ervaring... Heb het gehoord van derden natuurlijk.
FD
yes 1 pallet. 1 Pallet? Okidoki, cancell TO clearance, stay with me to the ramp.
Biscane 
